It’s been a really long time, hasn’t it?

Nine months.

Yikes.

Between my last post and this one, I could have produced a child.

Well…

I didn’t.

What did I do? An overview of the highlights, in chronological order (with a little help from The Simpsons):

Completed my nursing leadership rotation.

I was placed on an inpatient adult psychiatric unit in the city.

It was fun most times (I worked with a great group of nurses), frightening at times (worked with some pretty aggressive patients), but overall it was an incredible experience that I wish hadn’t ended.

Switched from the Psychiatry/Mental Health Nurse Practitioner program to the Certified Nurse-Midwifery program.

Success. One step closer to my long-term goal of working at the intersection of reproductive health and mental health.

Completed Part I of my nursing program.

My amazing and patient Mom, Dad, and husband sat in a warm room and listened to a slide show about the history of our college of nursing, watched me walk across the stage (I didn’t trip), and clapped when I received my degree diploma certificate of completion. (This program doesn’t award a BSN, as we are expected to earn an MSN a few years later. So, technically I didn’t “graduate” from anything.)

After the completion ceremony, we then went out to lunch. I had macaroni and cheese. It was tasty.

But I’m still not an RN….

Suffered through a bad exacerbation of asthma and allergies. 

It sucked. ‘Nuff said.

Freaked out.

Holy shit, I need to study for the NCLEX!

Studied for the NCLEX.

NCLEX-style questions go a little bit like this:

Which one of the following statements, if stated by the nursing student, show an understanding of NCLEX?

1. The NCLEX is an exam designed to see how well you take exams designed like this type of exam.
2. For each question in the NCLEX, more than one response may be correct, but one response is more correct than the other correct responses.
3. In the instance of “select all that apply”  questions, if you fail to select one or more of the more correct responses of the 5-6 correct responses available, or if you select a response that is correct but less correct than the more correct responses, you get the entire question wrong.
4. It’s important to have a strategy to pass the NCLEX, but don’t rely on that strategy to pass the NCLEX.

Correct answer: 2.

Rationale: Of the possible correct responses above, having the understanding that more than one response may be correct, but that this response is more correct, is the most correct response for this question.

Cried. 

Studied for the NCLEX some more.

A bus leaves Cleveland at 1700 hours UTC (Zulu time). There are 61 passengers on the bus. Eleven passengers are children. Twenty-six passengers have Type 2 diabetes, 22 have hypertension, 13 are smokers, and one passenger has a rare form of brain cancer but doesn’t know it yet. The bus driver’s eyes are blue. If the bus is scheduled to arrive in Chicago at 1350 IST (Indian Standard Time), what time will this bus get to Fargo, its third and final destination? [Please round to nearest minute in EEST (Eastern European Summer Time)]

Correct response: 8:07 EEST

Rationale: In order to understand this question, one must know that IST is UTC + 5:30 hours, that children between 3 and 6 years of age frequently delay defecation because of play, as well as the Ohio Revised Code, Section 4506.12 (B). It does not matter the color of the bus driver’s eyes. Please review the chapters on “World Time Zones”, “Pediatrics”, and “Passenger Endorsements for Commercial Driver Licenses in the State of Ohio”  if you did not understand this question.

Freaked out. Cried myself to sleep. Loudly. On the El. Every day.

Sewed a freakish amount of totes in my spare time to cope with my anxiety.

I felt a bit like this:

Took the NCLEX. Freaked out some more. Passed the NCLEX.

But I’m still not an RN yet….

Visited The Good Land. Visited St Louis.  Had a lot of fun.

Saw a lot of baseball.

At least the Brewers are not in last place right now**.

**As of August 29, 2013. Of course, that could have changed by the time you read this.

Wrote a play.

I took at 10-minute playwriting class…er, wait….I took a 3-week class on how to write a 10-minute play. And people acted it out. Real actors. In front of me and my classmates. And I almost threw up I was so nervous. It was a great class!

I’m finally an RN!

After months of bureaucracy and applications, and hundreds of dollars of fees which could only be paid in the form of a money order, I get a piece of paper that states that I am a Licensed Registered Professional Nurse.

I’m like the woman on the right.

I crossed the finish line.

Applied for nursing jobs.
Got rejected.
Continue to apply for nursing jobs. Continue to get rejected. 

Like this:

“Thank you Erika for the time and interest you have shown in [hospital name].  We regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a position at this time.  Please be assured that your information will be kept on file for future consideration. We wish you every success in pursuing your career objectives.  Your interest in our hospital is appreciated.” 

Or this:

“We appreciate your interest in [hospital] and the position for which you applied. After reviewing the applications received, yours was not selected for further consideration. The selection committee appreciates the time you invested in your application. We encourage you to apply for posted and advertised positions with [hospital], for which you qualify, in the future. We wish you every personal and professional success with your job search and in the future. Thank you, again, for your interest in [hospital].”

Or this:

Do you have a BSN or MSN?

[No]

Thank you for applying, but you do not qualify at this time.

Or ever.

Started the Certified Nurse-Midwifery Program.

I’m learning more about lady parts than I ever thought possible.

Did you know that at 9 months pregnant, the uterus has the capacity to hold 4 liters? That’s like carrying two 2-liter bottles of Coke!

So, you are pretty much up-to-date.

I will be posting more this fall, I promise. Stay tuned!